Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
