I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
