Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
