Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
