people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
