I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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