WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
