too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
