I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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