so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
