if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
