Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
