similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
