Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize