Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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