so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Rumble strips road head = magical
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
