So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
