dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
