maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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