If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
