You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
