Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
