And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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