well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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