So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
