Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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