maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
