i wish there were pregnant emoticons
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
