Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
