So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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