:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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