You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I pour the whiskey from now on
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
