i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
