it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
