I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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