Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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