Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
