First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
