he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
