Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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