i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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