i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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