So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
