I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
