I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
