You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
