Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
