How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
