I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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