you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
