I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
