My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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