I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
