is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
