He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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