nut hugger
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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