In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think I sprained my soul last night
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
