What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
