So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
